Musings from US.

An idle mind is a devil's workshop. All the same, the idle mind ponders over life as it is happening, happened and will happen. How else will you put things in the right perspective?

The one question that has been on my mind,have been about the direction my life is taking these days. The last 8 months have seen the life take a course which has been quite fulfilling. That much said, the idling mind puts fears in the mind in respect of ''what will happen".

I feel the intellect in me is quite insufficient, when I compare myself to people around me. The capacity to retain, the desire to add more value, or make use of my time in a particular way, in all these areas, i think i fail miserably.

What I am confident of is my capacity to love freely, without being judgemental. I feel like a soldier, waiting for the next orders and doing the best at all times, come what may. I only have these qualifications. I wonder if these are enough to go on my chosen path. I ask my self these questions day in and day out.

My daughter tells me that I live in a bubble. A happy place where I don't let emotions of others interfere with my calm. The core is kept intact, so the sanity prevails. I think it may be true. It is not my doing, it is just a gift, if can be called as one.

I dislike hypocrites. The one's who just talk. They fool you into believing somethings that they so vociferously campaign. In the early days of my life, i used to pass by them even without noticing. But now, I am aware of them, and just pretend to listen.

I walk around Jersey city, looking at people walking,sitting in the train, reading, talking to friends etc, and I wonder if I would have liked to live here in the city. I think their's is a disconnected life. I may be wrong. The attachment that we have to our neighbours, our dhobi, the shopkeeper, the maid, the hawker, etc are mostly missing here. I think they are scared to get attached to life this way.

To draw comparisons between life in coimbatore and Newyork, I find the waiter in Annapoorna Gowrishankar,is a nobody, doesn't know a thing except executing the orders that he gets from the eater in the hotel. Where as over here, the waiter is a somebody. He knows the inside out of your menu, he knows everything that is to know about the food you are eating, stylish,with a put on cheerfulnes that their jobs entail.

Time is my friend here, always at my disposal. There is never a dull moment in my life. I feel like a feather, floating in the sky, enjoying the freedom, outside and inside my head. Three months felt a long time before. Two months ave flown past, with my doing nothing much.Apart from giving and taking love from the dearest on whose account I am here, I haven't done much. But yet fulfilling in its own way.

I am counting the last few days left of my time in this country, in this city, in this home, and in this heart where I feel I have a place, no matter what. The love encompasses everything and I am fortunate to have been the vehicle, for such a soul to take birth in this world.

I feel the expression that has been lurking in the recesses of my mind has at last managed to find a place in my blog. so I rest in peace.