Musings from US.

An idle mind is a devil's workshop. All the same, the idle mind ponders over life as it is happening, happened and will happen. How else will you put things in the right perspective?

The one question that has been on my mind,have been about the direction my life is taking these days. The last 8 months have seen the life take a course which has been quite fulfilling. That much said, the idling mind puts fears in the mind in respect of ''what will happen".

I feel the intellect in me is quite insufficient, when I compare myself to people around me. The capacity to retain, the desire to add more value, or make use of my time in a particular way, in all these areas, i think i fail miserably.

What I am confident of is my capacity to love freely, without being judgemental. I feel like a soldier, waiting for the next orders and doing the best at all times, come what may. I only have these qualifications. I wonder if these are enough to go on my chosen path. I ask my self these questions day in and day out.

My daughter tells me that I live in a bubble. A happy place where I don't let emotions of others interfere with my calm. The core is kept intact, so the sanity prevails. I think it may be true. It is not my doing, it is just a gift, if can be called as one.

I dislike hypocrites. The one's who just talk. They fool you into believing somethings that they so vociferously campaign. In the early days of my life, i used to pass by them even without noticing. But now, I am aware of them, and just pretend to listen.

I walk around Jersey city, looking at people walking,sitting in the train, reading, talking to friends etc, and I wonder if I would have liked to live here in the city. I think their's is a disconnected life. I may be wrong. The attachment that we have to our neighbours, our dhobi, the shopkeeper, the maid, the hawker, etc are mostly missing here. I think they are scared to get attached to life this way.

To draw comparisons between life in coimbatore and Newyork, I find the waiter in Annapoorna Gowrishankar,is a nobody, doesn't know a thing except executing the orders that he gets from the eater in the hotel. Where as over here, the waiter is a somebody. He knows the inside out of your menu, he knows everything that is to know about the food you are eating, stylish,with a put on cheerfulnes that their jobs entail.

Time is my friend here, always at my disposal. There is never a dull moment in my life. I feel like a feather, floating in the sky, enjoying the freedom, outside and inside my head. Three months felt a long time before. Two months ave flown past, with my doing nothing much.Apart from giving and taking love from the dearest on whose account I am here, I haven't done much. But yet fulfilling in its own way.

I am counting the last few days left of my time in this country, in this city, in this home, and in this heart where I feel I have a place, no matter what. The love encompasses everything and I am fortunate to have been the vehicle, for such a soul to take birth in this world.

I feel the expression that has been lurking in the recesses of my mind has at last managed to find a place in my blog. so I rest in peace.

Lessons in every day life

I ask myself, if it is possible to change people's attitudes.I never fail trying. I feel each human does something, thinking it is the right thing to do at that point of time.But it is only the result of the action that may be good or bad, depending on the effect it has on the other person.

So changing the action as such is not important.. It is the attitude that has to be changed in people. If you can see basic goodness in each one and try and encourage that we can bring change in people.
nothing is ever lost anywhere....as long as hope lives, it is never too late to try!

A great learning, a step ahead:)

Yesterday dawned as any other day, but I wasn't aware of the learning that was waiting at the doorstep.I was late getting to work, so decided to travel to my workplace by scooter. I reached the gate of my office complex which is a gated community with many residential buildings. To my utter shock and dismay the security guard at the gate did not let me enter. He told me that I have to turn back as I was an outsider.I have been going everyday since the last 40 days and never experienced this sort of behavior from any of the security guards manning the gate.

I was not expecting this, and hence reacted by calling the office and informing them that I was going back home. I was crying all the way back, feeling sad for the way I was treated. I had many questions in my mind. Although i felt the guard was only doing his duty, I couldnt accept his rude behavior.

I decided then and there that I am never going to enter the complex, alone and informed the office of my decision. I felt I was doing the right thing.

But after a few hours of contemplation, I realised that, it was my ego that was hurt. I could have reacted in a different way, by calling someone from the office to come and speak to the security guard and let me enter the complex. Instead I chose to be the victim and returned.

I am wiser now, having realised my mistake.The ego blocks reason from entering the brain and I became a victim of my own ego..

But all the same, it felt good crying...heart felt lighter...thank you "Mr security" for the my learning and the lightness of being..

Present moment....

I dedicate this blog to my silent friend, who comes here everyday..

She inspired me to write, and I am doing this at her behest. So here goes friend, all yours..

'Retirement" the word, was not received well by Nimi,my elder daughter, although the effect of the same was acceptable to her. She thought, this brought me closer to being in the later part of my journey.She contemplated for a while and then said ," now you are a social worker and not a banker.Nobody is retiring.."I know why she said so.A mother is a presence that cannot be replaced. We are all the extensions of our mothers, and the thought of them not being there scares us.

Life, indeed is in the fast track now a days.Punarnava, occupies my thoughts and time. I feel much needed, and that gives me the impetus to stay and learn.In the past one month, I have grown as a person, faster than ever before.The word detachment holds a new meaning now. I watch everything around me, and as an observer find myself a step away.

Vaidyagrama, breathes life. It is filled with divine healing energy which helps repair body and soul. An ayurvedic way of life is what is practiced.


I love the spark of life in each person, and hence used to believe that there is divinity in each one. But the recent happenings in the capital makes me wonder if the same is true.

Prayers for the wellbeing of all...