17/12/2007

MY BABY IS NOW 21

I LAID MY HANDS ON HER,A DOLL, I SAY

A BUNDLE OF JOY, AN EYEFUL AND A HEARTFUL

MADE ME, HER DADA AND HER SISTER PROUD,

A BUDDING DANCER,SHE WAS THE TOAST OF THE FAMILY,

A LOVING SOUL,A BEAUTIFUL PERSON

ALWAYS LIVED HER LIFE ON HER TERMS

SHE STOOD HER GROUND ALL THE TIME

AND WE GAVE IN TO HER WAYS

SHE HAD NO EXPECTATIONS, NO COMPLAINTS,

SHE UNDERSTOOD EVERYONE, AND THEIR WAYS.

SHE CLUNG TO ME WHEN SHE LOST HER DAD

HER SIS, SHE HERO WORSHIPPED

TODAY SHE IS ON HER OWN, ON HER 21ST

WE REGRET WE ARE NOT WITH HER

THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER BEST ONE SO FAR,

AND THE FIRST TIME WE ARE NOT WITH HER.

MY HEART FEELS HEAVY, WHEN I WRITE,

MY BABY HAS GROWN AND FLOWN,

SHE IS HER OWN PERSON, AND AM A PROUD MOM

I WISH HER ALL THE BEST, BLESSING AND ALL

HER DADA MUST BE SMILING,

TO SEE HIS LITTLE ONE STAND TALL, ALONE!

WE ARE WITH HER IN SPIRITS!

SHE IS SIMI! OUR TREASURE, A GIFT FROM GOD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

COURAGE

Girija is a friend of mine at work...She was once a homemaker, whose husband was an officer in a nationalised bank..they have a daughter. The husband was transferred to Assam..and the mother and daughter were living at their native place. One day while he was returning to Assam from a holiday , in the train, he breathed his last...god knows what happened...He had a heart attack.



The mother and daughter were devastated...The bank gave his job to his wife on compassionate grounds..The mother daughter duo picked up the threads of their lives and started living..Then disaster struck again...the girl had brain tumor...because of which the smart girl that she was, turned to be a dullhead..she lost her speech and sense slowly..They went to Chithirai Thirunal Hospital, kerala to operate on the girl and after a lot of trouble, she was saved. They returned to their native place in tamilnadu and the mother resumed her duties in the bank. She locks up her daughter everyday before coming to work. The girl is slowly recovering.



Recently, on a saturday girija was working as a cashier ( the usual cashier being on leave).With the festival season in place, the crowd in the bank was unreasonable..in the bargain, dont know how..she somehow lost Rs 50,000/-



Every one present in the bank tried to help her trace the money..but to no avail...at the end of the day, she had to take a loan from a friend and replace the funds in the bank...



I saw her crying that day in the cubicle...



But I was dismayed....when on monday ...I saw the lady briskly entering the bank and going to her desk to start working...there was no trace of pain or trouble on her face...she was her usual self smiling and attending to customers...



I was relieved to see this...Actually girija had moved forward...in her life...she had left behind her pain and troubles and decided to let bygones be bygones, having learnt a bitter lesson...



I admired her COURAGE then....



I feel god selects people with courage to give pain...She is indeed an example...of LIFE itself.



I learnt a lesson...that day.

CONVICTION!!

Success and failure are two sides of the same coin, but I always wonder, why is someone successful and why someone is not...



I feel one has to have a conviction, a belief in ones own abilities, faith and willingness to do hardwork. These are the prerequisites for success..



I always used to tell the kids, suppose you know there is a treasure in an area...what would one do...just keep digging at different places ..but I feel, if a person digs in just one place, with a conviction that he will find the treasure there, no matter how deep, he is sure to find the treasure..



This I feel is the trick to success..no matter what, never tire, do the same work with conviction and success is bound to touch your feet..and sour your spirits high in the sky...

COMPENSATION

I once read an essay by EMERSON on Compensation!



It was at a time in my life when I was down and out..having lost everything in my life, my anchor, my friend, philosopher, guide, my partner...



It was then that a well meaning friend gave this essay to read!



Emerson in his essay said...Life always comes back in a circle, It compensates! for what it takes away...There is always a hightide for a low tide..There is always a day after a night, and look at the seasons! Everything in nature is a balancing act...



It was a very comforting feeling to know that a compensation was on its way to me...I waited for it and believe me I got it....



I once went to a christian convention, where I heard someone say..God has a plan for you..and everything happens according to the plan..so no use worrying...If you think god punished you for something...be happy atleast god chose you for that...and as a mother always comforts a child after reprimanding, so also the god ..so wait for your turn...



I looked forward for the comforting, and before long, and till date am enjoying the love of god...



I do not feel bitter about life..I strongly believe life is a journey, a train journey...you have your co-passengers, who alight when their destination comes, some others board the train and remain with you till their station comes...



Life is easy, if only you let it be......

AROUND THE BEND WE WILL MEET!

Here I am! wishing I were dead too...

The world came crashing , one day,

leaving me standing by,


God took away a flower in his garden,

my soulmate! my love!

we journeyed together for a decade and half,

grew up together, loved and faught together,

now I am helplessly gazing standing by.


The girls hanging on to their mom,

relieved atlast that the agony has ended,

Pain taking over their dad, the screams! the cries

now will not echo in the young ears...

seeing a withering form, day in and day out

they stood mutely standing by....


The society didnt leave me free,

the tag of a widow came very easy

the red kumkum was denied very cruelly

I wept, at their mercilessness...

couldnt do a thing, was lost, standing by..


The world was an easy place to live

till the shadow of his self left me

then came the blank calls

to scare me,and get me running!

but i lived on..with his spirit standing by..


The girls grew up, turned the clock forward...

beautiful damsels, made us proud

I lived for them, smiled for them

and thus moved, the LIFE, with us standing by....


Today the young birds have left the nest,

with their chosen ones,to make their own,

now I await my turn, to be with him

waiting for my love, standing by...


Around the bend we will meet,

were his last words...

and till we meet, I will live! standing by..

I view life like this!!! now

Marriages are made in heaven but lived on earth.....

I look at, life after marriage,now from far...as a parent looking at the child starting to live their lives with the new partner...

As I am looking I find, it is not easy for today's generation to live the first few years of married life as it was in our generation.

I also know, the reason why it seemed to be easy for our generation.

In our generation, I find, one of the partners almost always gave up the arguement or want,in favour of the other, that way avoiding most of the crisis situations.. .

Where as now, our children grow up with more freedom, more choices and an easier life, with easy money, or more luxuries...

The freedom that they get from the parents is taken for granted. But when they choose to get married and stay with the partner, the same kind of freedom cannot be expected.

Initially it is difficult for both to come to terms. Loving from far is very easy compared to two people living all the time together.

It is only after a few years that,both come to a common ground and meet half way...Till such time one need to constantly understand, respect and give each other the much needed space to still grow, in the new found proximity.

Its raining Life!!

We are in the midst of a downpour today. The rain gods are indeed pleased with mankind I guess...I was scared of the news about SIRUVANI dam water level going down..and stuff like water cut in the offing, if it doesnt rain...etc


Talking of rains....

A funny thing happened last year..
My friend asked me, if we get a special umbrella in Kerala,(which pioneers in the latest model umbrellas-strong ones.)which has a button to close the umbrella. I mean we have all seen umbrellas with a button to open it...she said she has heard that there is this umbrella which has a button to close it..
I hadnt heard of it, however promised to get it for her.
It so happened I went to the shop and asked the shopkeeper I want an umbrella with a button to close...and he gave me..
I happily brought it back to mumbai and gave it to my friend..
No one felt like checking it ....
One day my friend took this umbrella and went shopping. It started raining suddenly.She started pressing the button to open the umbrella and it didnt open..in that confusion, she got drenched fully. She came to know later that this particular umbrella doesnt have a button to open....it has to be opened the manual way, it has one button only to close the umbrella...
Even to this day she teases me about the umbrella...

Living with Elders!!!

I have had the good fortune of being always in the midst of elders. The children as they were growing, were brought up in the lap of love and care of their grandmothers. Be it paternal or maternal. They were there to take care of them when we were busy pursuing the jobs to earn the hard to be found moolah.

yesterday I happened to go to a friend's house for dinner. What I saw there made me very happy. My friend is the only bread winner there. The wife is a housemaker. There were three elders in the house.All of them above 65years.
My friend has a daughter who is about 7 years old.I know it must be really a strain for him with 5 adults and a child, with the kind of salary that a nationalised bank officer draws.But put that aside, there were so many positive things happening in that house..
I was told that all the five adults spend the morning getting the kid ready and send her to school. There is always the grandfather to take her to the danceclass. The grandmother to tell stories, and to take her to the park.
The kid is very smart and well brought up. No tantrums of anykind.

The parents happily take care of the elders and the elders take care of the youngone...it was really wonderful to see the comraderie..

My old mother was there for me to set up the house when we came here...

I love the seniors, I value their contributions to our lives and wish and pray that each elder feels loved and respected in every home.

GOD BLESS THEM

GOD IS GREAT!!

She called me from the far away land, may be hoping for comfort! I could hear the distress in the voice...The experiment wasn't going right as expected. As a last resort she was trying something to save it...
As she was walking to college, fearing what was waiting there, she called me...

I started singing the HANUMAN CHALISA..and she joined in..we both recited the prayers on phone over the seven seas....I am sure she felt good after that, very confident that someone is watching out for her.

Two hours later, I heard a happy voice saying, IT WORKED!! MA...

I thank god! for the small mercy!!!!

I truly believe"there's light at the end of the tunnel"

Problems come and problems go...they are here to stay,
what is necessary is the strength to tackle them.
The outlook to understand them,the need to solve them
and if it persists, to learn stay with them

God can't save those who cannot save themselves!
why blame someone else always for your sorry state

Geetha(my namesake! my friend) in my bank was crying today.
Her grownup daughter is confined to home, as she is partially paralised, due to a brain surgery. Her husband is no more. she has no sibling support and is alone. She locks up her daughter and comes to work.
she is fighting to keep her daughter alive.

I was very upset to see her in that state. But I am confident about one thing, and feel that the girl is going to be alright..I told geetha to visualise that the daughter is VERY HEALTHY AND MOVING AROUND WITH HER IN COIMBATORE & EVERYWHERE"
This I told her is the first step towards recovery...
I told her to have a strong faith and believe that the recovery has already started and she is going to be fine in no time! and it will happen.

I saw Geetha smile then, wipe her tears and with a confidence hitherto unknown leave the bank...
I pray and wish too that her daughter girija gets well soon....

Amidst simplicity!

I observe the people around me in coimbatore, be it on the roads, in the neighbourhood or in the bank, I find that there is lot of simplicity around....They are very unassuming. Simple people living a simple life in a simple neighbourhood...
I learn a thing or two from them.
They have eager ears to learn about far away lands...which in this case happens to be mumbai...They feel its a big deal to be in mumbai. I feel like laughing when I see the awe.. Only once you are in mumbai will you know the hardships one has, to start with reaching places in the crowded locals..
The distance, the climate the crowds, and the langauage! all this can intimidate the small town person..it did to me too...I was like a small mouse when I entered the bank as an officer in 2004.
I was scared like hell...
After a few days, I found to my good fortune, there was nothing to be intimadated about...coz no one bothered about you ..everyone was on their own, there was actually no time for them to think of some mouse from coimbatore...I was relieved beyond any words...I realised that the indifference was not because of any superiority complex they had, but due to their own problems...It was good enough for me...
I took over from then on becoming a lioness taking care of my friends, the cubs...and everyone easily let me..
They looked lost when I was bidding them farewell.
In coimbatore I find it very easy to relate to people, first of all they are my own from past, secondly they live without a mask.
Am I glad I am back??
I answer this question again and again and again in the affirmative...

A mother in law...I became

Wow! It feels great to be back, after nearly two months...I feel like a bird, flying free in the sky..

The wedding on 21/5/2007, monday at guruvayoor was great!!! I gave away a slice of my life to santosh. As I did that, there was a lot of confusion, about who will give the hand of the bride as there is no father...( a small doubt crosses my mind as I write this...is the mother a good enough person to hand a daughter away to her love, or you need a breed of any random MALE, to do that). Have I committed a big crime if I defied their dictates of not letting me give nimi's hand to santosh..at least the priest who performed the wedding didnt mind..he told me to do just that and I did.
Now dont tell me I am making mountains out of mole hills...no I am not..atleast I dont think so...
Mohan was everywhere then...I had him with me...I have saved a bunch of his hair and nails which I carry with me where ever I go. Nimi held on to it fast, as the mangalsutra was being tied...what little we have of his physical being we carried with us...and we shared the moment with him thus.

Back in coimbatore, I feel like a new person...time is a great companion...reading is one of the lost hobbies, I found somewhere in one carton, I carried from mumbai.

I dont miss mumbai at all...that is a great comfort...and am thriving in all the love that awaited me here.

It feels great to know I havent changed a bit...had lost myself somewhere in the crowded mumbai locals...

HAPPY VISHU!!A NEW YEAR...A NEW BEGINNING..

There is an overcrowding in my brain these days...the thoughts are so intermingled that it is impossible to put them in order...however I chose to ignore them and move forward..

Last week amma was'nt too well...suddenly I realised what she means to me...it was a revelation..we tend to take our parents for granted..thinking, they will be beside us always.. that there is a chance ,of her not being near me at anytime ,scared the hell out of me..I felt quite alone..as if I was blind folded and am going down a deep hole or something...
I surfaced only after confirming that all's well with her..and she would still be there for ever...haha, I can vent my feelings thru her...ME THE SELFISH!!!

I feel confident that there is someone watching out for me...as things unfold, I get goosepimples sometimes...If I let nature take its course I find that there is someone making it easy for me...it is very subtle thing... but being aware I am can sense it..and its a great satisfaction..

All's set for the Wedding... slowly we are moving towards the D DAY...am filled with mixed feelings...but comforted all the same that we have come this far...

Hope and pray that the new year vishu...today will bring in the much needed contentment in everyone's lives...

Getting ready to go back...

Am awaiting the orders of posting to go back to coimbatore....
Leaving the ever alive Mumbai isnt going to be easy...
I love walking on the streets of south mumbai with its tall buildings and the ever busy pavements.
Never get tired of admiring Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus...
you dont find time running up and down catching local trains..but waiting for the train sometimes I look up to admire the windows the stonework and what not...
Inside the train is another story altogether...
20 years back while travelling in the train, I used to see women cutting vegetables to make food after reaching home..but today I find no one doing that...Yes women of the second class compartments have progressed that much...They read mumbai mirror and midday..or sing and chat...All of them probably have help at home...the life styles having improved one can afford to have help for cooking..Am happy for them.
Will miss all that...the energy of the mumbai women..A pregnant lady boarding the train is a sight one cannot miss anywhere..full blown pregnency doesnt stop them from jumping inside the train before it stops..it is a tact..and they have it...Kudos to the women of mumbai...for successfully tackling the home , work and children too...

I feel am a misfit here..The rush and the stress is killing me..and hence the decision to move.
One can never ask this question " what to do now" in mumbai, there is no time to ponder for anything. Three years flew past in no time...

Don't know what changes await me at coimbatore...keeping my fingers crossed...

Not easy to believe but a truth

World celebrates International Womens' day on March 8th.It is a celebration which reminds us how far the women of today have progressed.
Next day I had a shock talking to the lady who helps me with the house work. Her name is Munni. She doesnt know her age. She looked to be in her thirties...
She is already a grandmother.. but doesnt know how old her children are..
Munni is separated from her husband .Her daughter too is separated from her husband.
Her young son helps her run the house working in a garage..

Felt ashamed to hear the story. We claim to have achieved so much, but unless each and every life around us is improved we cannot participate in the success.. Am thinking what I can do to help Munni..I can give her money, but that will not change her status.
Still that is something better than not doing anything at all.

Doubts about living......

As the day is getting closer, am filled with trepidation! Hope everything goes well......I watch these silly soaps on tv and see all the unwanted things happening...and like a fool worry over nothing.....

Mohan while he was very sick, and a few days before he passed on, spoke to me on Nimi's marriage. He said, he wished he were alive to see his daughter getting married......I didnt know what to tell him then....was a mute witness to the sad event..

Today when I am getting ready to print the invitation card...I thought why not make him alive in that....in my own selfish way...I will make him stay with me to invite everyone thru the invite......

Is it too much to ask???????

I am told the society will mind....will it???
society never failed to hurt me..when I was denied the kumkum in the puja's that I attended...

No one bothered to find out if we were eating properly all these years when I struggled to bring the kids up...no one bothered to find out if there was money to pay the fees...

but now......that I just want to put his name with me in the invite.....is it a crime???

I loathe this...and wish I wasnt subjected to this....day in and day out....

why do they not live and let live....

a great connection

I have always been the bridge connecting the two sisters...oh they are after all my children too..
but somehow...I am the one who they use to pass on information to each other...

This time around..it seemed quite a grave situation coz they decided to do away with the bridge and connect themselves..

A long chat...i am told...they had a heart to heart...the younger sibling groping in the dark about her future discussing her fears with the more confident elder one in the recesses of the night when the old mother was sleeping oblivious of her surroundings...


something touched the younger one very greatly...something what she heard, with wonder and amusement....
she cried all night thinking about it...
she realised....as never before..that she is loved...

In the process of growing up.......

A mothers thoughts.....

A celebration is coming our way, and I am filled with apprehension and joy!

You raise a kid with lot of love, take part in every thought that crosses the young mind...and is always present to help solve life's riddles..for them..and then suddenly its time...to let go..

Am ready to do that...

I want her to have her own life...a family....and a home...
I want her to nurture the same with her love and shape the life thereafter, with her husband..

I hope she gets the best that life can offer! and be thankful for the same....I can't be separate from her ...which is her fear....she is my extension...a part of me...how can I be away from her...

Am growing up...to add on ....a son...let go... a wife...

wish we were together...me and him...to stand with me...in the moment of their togetherness
Am sure, he is around..in spirits..wishing more than ever ...that things go right....